Dr. Seuss Contributes to The Onion

On the fourteenth of March, in towns nationwide,
In every cinema, multiplex, on every barnside,
Gleamed another adapting of one of my books,
CGI-ed and digitized by another sly crook.

The rest is here: Stop Making Movies About My Books.

This American Life

I love This American Life, but this Onion article is hilarious:

In what cultural anthropologists are calling a "colossal achievement" in the study of white-collar professionals, the popular radio show has successfully isolated all 7,442 known characteristics of college graduates who earn between $62,500 and $125,000 per year and feel strongly that something should be done about global warming.

Manny being Manny

Ah, The Onion:

SANTO DOMINGO, DOMINICAN REPUBLIC-While watching a live spring-training report from the Boston Red Sox training facility in Fort Myers, FL on SportsCenter Wednesday, outfielder Manny Ramirez reportedly told his family that he "had the weirdest feeling [he] should be somewhere else right now." "I don't know what it is... Am I usually someplace else at this time of year?" Ramirez asked his wife, adding that the people on television looked vaguely familiar and that he felt "the strangest urge" to be in Florida. "Wait, is that guy there on the TV... is that Big Papi? But why would he be in Florida now?" According to Ramirez's wife, her husband then looked at the calendar on the wall, frowned, and continued to watch television while idly popping an old ball into his baseball glove.

Cheap Toy Roundup

Every year I read The Onion's Cheap Toy Roundup, and every year it cracks me up. This year is no exception.

Saturday Links Vol. 2

• Damn doctors trying to rename all of the cool genes - if I had a mutated sonic hedgehog gene, probably the only thing that would make me happy would be to know that the name of the gene was "sonic hedgehog"
  
• Impressive New Honda Inspires John Mellencamp To Write Song About Japan - God I hate those commercials.