Consultingman

By: Dan Siedman
Original: "Piano Man" (Billy Joel)

It's 3 o'clock on a Saturday,
The regular crowd shuffles in.
There's a man on the terminal next to me
Making love to his Z-19.

He says, "Son can you unlock my terminal?
I can't quite remember which key.
Is it blue, is it gray, or escape and then A,
I've tried everything but control-G."

La de da dee dee daaa...
Tell us the trick, oh, Consultingman,
Tell us just what to do.
The computer goes down early Saturday,
And we've only an hour or two.

Well, Syd at the Lab is a friend of mine,
And he'll loan me EXECs for a fee.
And he's quick with a TELL,
And a SENDBLOK as well,
But there's someplace that he'd rather be.

He says, "Dan, I believe this is killing me,"
As he writes pornographic EXECs.
"I could earn so much more with a Ratty shift,
If I weren't so addicted to REXX."

Now Al is the Rock and Prince manager
Who schedules for maximum strife,
And he's talking to Claude who thinks Peter is odd,
And will probably think so for life.

And the monitor's practicing politics
As the CS1 kids start to cry.
Using PASCAL techniques called futility,
Typing "input" instead of just "i."

chorus

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday,
The waitlist monitor gives me a smile.
Because he knows that it's me they've been coming to see
To consult about SCRIPT for a while.

The terminal beeps like C3-PO,
And the freshmen talk like R2.
The computer goes down, and they gather around,
And I tell them there's nothing to do.

chorus & fade

Last update: 25 July 2003
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